A child in pain or distress innately reaches for their adult. So long as there is a healthy safe attachment present.
We are wired to reach out for one another when we feel vulnerable. We are made to need each other, especially when we are suffering. It is our NATURE.
Trauma in its formation can be defined as 'suffering alone'.
And trauma has taught generation after generation that suffering alone is the only option.
That reaching out when vulnerable is dangerous.
That being neglected in times of real need is normal.
It has rendered many folks with the limitation of not even knowing that asking for any kind of help is a not only a viable option but necessary for human health and connection.
Trauma has folks retreating inwards when things hurt instead of reaching out for a beloved other.
We do not heal from holding our suffering alone.
We perpetuate our trauma by doing so.
And trauma, of all kinds, has been imbedded in our human experience for generations, centuries, a really long time.
Trauma that has so many of us suffering alone and in silence.
Suffering alone IS trauma.
Our suffering is meant to be held and shared and navigated together.
When things get hard or painful we are meant to reach out to be held and respond to others suffering by holding.
It is our most natural way of responding.
Trauma has changed that.
Made us afraid to suffer openly and honestly and also afraid of others people's suffering.
In many real ways made us not trust each other, not be willing to reach out, often not even knowing how.
When I say no one is supposed to suffer alone I am speaking the innate capability baked into our humanity, our very nervous systems that will respond to a crying child wether we are conscious of it or not.
That place within ourselves that responds to the suffering of others with care, dignity, awareness and an ability to share grief.
The place that was shoved into hiding when we ourselves did not receive the care we needed when we were suffering, the moments where we had to suffer alone when someone else was present or withdrew their presence because they refused to honour our suffering. Most likely due to their own very real trauma around their own isolated suffering.
Centuries of humans with trauma. Generations upon generations of being taught that suffering alone is how life is meant to be lived. The injury upon injury this has caused and continues to cause.
The only path out is to cultivate our innate sense of knowing that no one should ever suffer alone, ourselves included.
And do what might not feel natural. Reach out when we are suffering for others who know how to do the same.
Respond to others suffering with care and presence even when it feels strange to do so.
Trauma screams 'you are alone'.
Healing means reaching for each other anyway.